How many headlines have popped up on my feed since before my child was born proclaiming how tired, angry, frustrated, and overburdened mothers are – especially now that we are in a pandemic? I’m tired of them. These headlines and the stories behind them are all venting with no solutions.
I remember back a few years ago when I was talking with one of my younger managers. I had just broken the news that there was going to be a policy change. I had been upset myself when I heard about the change, but after some initial venting, switched to problem-solving mode and had found some benefits to the new policy that I quite liked. However, this manager continued to vent at every staff meeting for the next three weeks. To the point that I had to stop him and say, “Hey, we know this is going to be a challenging transition. But it’s happening, so what can we do to make it make sense to our visitors?”
“We know this is going to be challenging. But it’s happening, so what can we do to make it make sense to our visitors?”
I am now at that same place with all these articles. “Mom Rage is Real”. “Pandemic Has Forced Moms to Pick Up More Slack”. “We Are Not Supporting Moms And The Pandemic Has Made Things Worse”.
Screenshot of a Motherly article on Facebook.
I’m done.
All of this is true, but what I need are actionable solutions. Starting with: How is an introvert mom (like me) supposed to find mom friends? (The answer is not Peanut. I did not like the dating app format because I didn’t even like dating that way.) Churches are not holding nursery care, so that’s out. Reading time at the local libraries is now online, so that’s out. Playing at the park is a great way to play and insulate yourself while doing so.
But if you have no mom friends, you have a hard time forming that very necessary village. I have plenty of non-mom friends and my sister lives nearby. But work hour support is just a daydream for this stay-at-home mom. And I’m sure this is true for many others.
There are policy changes that could make some of this easier. But they are focused on the money side of things. My child is not yet eligible for a vaccine, so daycare makes me incredibly nervous. And that still doesn’t solve the networking issues. Peanut, Facebook moms groups, and the like try, but they are also easier for more outgoing people. I’ve learned a lot from being a fly on the wall, but I haven’t made any friends.
My old church has also recently been very helpful by connecting a bunch of us who recently had babies. But that has the other issue of being remote only. It’s great for venting, comparing notes, celebrating accomplishments, but also tough because we live very far away from our old church having moved recently. We get virtual support, which is invaluable.
At the end of the day I am a stay-at-home mom who spends a lot of time with an 11 month old and rarely talks to adults until the work day is done. The 11-hour stretch from 6:30 am to 5:30 pm, Monday through Friday has become a long and lonely one. It is full of baby laughs, cuddles, silliness, and new things every day. I wouldn’t miss it for the world. But it can be a lot, too.
So here I am, writing yet another venting post, with no solutions. I’m even saying to myself, “No more venting! What’s a solution?” And I’m stuck. My brain is tired. I’ve been thinking about this for 11 months now. Anyone else have any ideas?